Having finished college two years ago (yes, that's right... TWO YEARS AGO) Its hard not to think about how I could have improved the last couple of years. After I finished college didn't go nearly as well as I had planned, not immediately to say the least. I had to wait a couple of months until I could claim JSA (which I wasted) and then when I could claim I was stuck with them for a good number of months. In the time of struggling to find work they sent me on work experience. I went to two different places. I first went to the British Heart Foundation in Ilkeston where I still volunteer there when I can now and then later they sent me to The Original Factory Shop in Ripley. It was quite a pain to get there and back as at that point I didn't drive but, the government refunded my travel expenses thankfully. This was just the beginning of 2014.
Of course, my old band Zebra Crossing was still going strong then. I do kind of miss that band but it was always a pain to sort things out. Maybe I just miss being in a band in general, I don't know but I remember that Zebra Crossing was one hell of a roller coster ride. Admittedly the band started from me being envious that I had been replaced. That may not be the right word, furious maybe just in denial but, it did annoy me that the same songs myself and Lucy had played together whilst in Refraction were being repeated, especially the fact that I helped structure one of them and add music to it but them it got changed musically and I was no longer there. I probably didn't handle the situation well at the time but, the more I think about it the more I think maybe I should have just left them to it but, then they got a drummer and thats where I had to draw the line. I felt like I had to be involved. I felt pushed out and needed to get back in again. I know that I am nothing without music and needed something... So of course, I offered to be the bass player... since I couldn't be the lead guitarist anymore. Apart of me for the whole time though the very begining thought that this was a bad idea but, I stuck with it. There was something that I wanted to achieve, I was't sure what it was but, eventually I started putting every effort into the band. From producing a home recorded EP to a teaser video. I even got one of my old friends to help out with our band design even though I no longer speak to him now.
That was all late 2013 and if I remember correctly it was around December time we had a fall out on our hands. We had been together as a band for less that three months and one day had a little too much fun messing around during practise. If I remember Emmett threw a penny and it made Lucy drop her laptop. Next minuet the laptop screen completely dies and Emmett is out of the dab. To me, it was from that day that the band went downhill. We lost our drummer and found it very difficult to find a new one, even when we did it was finding the time to all practise together. I was getting stressed about the quality of my band going down hill and I think that demotivated me quite a lot. I would happily go to practice when I wasn't absolutely knackered from the Princes Trust Course I was on at the time but, it just wasn't the same. Forcibly writing new songs about nonsense and turning down ideas that would just never work. Some maybe but, no. Some of the last originals we made were really good though we never got them recorded properly if I remember, that or I have lost/forgotten where the copies are. It's just weird thing about all this now but its all come back to me over the last month and really hit me in the face. I don't speak to anyone now and I think it is fair to say I miss them all. I haven't spoken to David, our lead guitarist though I did see him busking in Nottingham not too long ago. He spotted me to and looked terrified. In regards to Lucy and Emmett, Lucy is at a Manchester Uni now from what I gather still studying music but, Emmett.. I have no idea. Maybe I will share this post with them and it might spark something between us, then again maybe not. Maybe they will discover it and be all like, "Kim, why are you blogging about me?" I really don't know.
That was probably the main thing I wanted to post to be honest. I don't get much time to talk to friends or announce that I want to talk to them about something because of work, that and because most of the time I don't want to feel like I am bothering them. It's quite sad really. This whole post is quite sad, so I appologise. I does make me wonder though, if things went a little better... would we still be going strong? Would I have still got my job? (I had two interviews and the first one my boss didn't hire me because I was in a band and it was too much commitment).
I will end on a lighter not, mind. In my eyes currently, 2015 is the year I will really push myself musically. Once I have my new contract sorted with work, I will be working less hours and have more time to record and work on my new (and old) songs. I'm going to be optimistic and say that I will aim to record and finalise at least 5 songs by the end of this year. I need to get this EP out as I have been planning it since last summer and just really not had the time at all. I can't wait to start recording again and really get back into the swing of things, roll on six hour shifts 2-3 days of per week still with holidays. I ACTUALLY CAN'T WAIT.
In other news, my video has finally reached over 1,000 views! Watch it here...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwA8t3eaW1Y
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