An Open Letter To Anyone Who Thinks I Don't Care

Firstly, I do. I do care. I think everyone forgets about everything I've been through over the last few years because I'm so tied up with the stress of studying. People forget that I chose to do that to help further myself and obviously it's going to effect who I am. Higher Education has been a process that has changed me as a person, mostly benefiting myself but it's meant putting a lot of time and effort into me which most of the time I don't even realise and then find it hard to relax with having hardly any free time to breathe deep. The only times I really had space were during my visits to Spain.

Please don't assume I don't care because I've been worn out. This last year of study has been particularly hard with it being in a new setting and my final year, especially the last few weeks and if I'm honest it I makes me feel worse when people say it in any context. I know I don't always show it but, I do care and I get that it's hard for me to prove with these words alone. I used to post on this blog much more frequently but I've been way too busy to even compete with how much I used to push out on here.

Hearing it gives me this red haze that I can't deal with. That ol' game of who's who. Who's said what and I know. It might be that I've been told it more frequently but it's hard to show it when my focus was on other things, but I still don't agree. I care, I know I do. I'm just really shit at showing it. If that doesn't sell it enough, most that knew me pre-2016 would know that even back then I never wanted to lose a friend ever again and if you didn't know that maybe you didn't ever know me.

The fact I'm typing all this at 00:28am.

... Also, I'm ok. I'm better than ever actually. Just had the best Sunday shift in a long while and it's a nice thought that I'm potentially not at work until early June after this Tuesday, but on the contrary it would be nice if some friends would check in on me more often. It's been a fairly lonely eight months or so at Uni... 

Much Love
xxx