Fuck

I've never felt so angry and let down, all mixed up with everything else. Everything above shoulder height feels like it's going to explode. These are not the only things I feel currently. I feel stress, pressure, anxiety and confused in different orders throughout the day. I know exactly what I need to do this week yet I feel the complete opposite. I need to rest, I'm tired but I still need to finish my essay that is due in this Wednesday and do all of the other things I promised I'd do. I think I've reached the point of "mental breakdown" and I'm so much into it that I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I need to cry it out, but I can't... not here in the library. I did a little, but I had to hide myself because I didn't want to make anyone else feel uneasy. The most I can do right now is put it into words, phase it and express in these muddled up sentences how I feel, but the problem is I feel so much - it's painful.

I have no doubt that I will finish my essay, I just don't know when. I might end up having to ask for an extension which might be the sensible thing, but I'm unsure of the possibility of this. I do feel like I'm going to need it. I have another early start tomorrow following the continuation of the School Gigs Tour with the level 3's which probably won't finish until late and then I will have another practice session with the BA students for one of their Musical Direction projects where a 15 minuet original piece needs to be ready to perform in less than two weeks. The day after is the deadline hence the title. I literally have no time. I'm going to a concert tonight with my course group at the Theatre Royal tonight to see Etherwave: Adventures with a Theremin which I really can't miss. I already missed the workshop earlier due to being on School Gigs, but I'm quite excited about this. It doesn't stop all of the gloom leering over though, but hopefully the atmosphere of the concert will give me the boost of inspiration that I need... That or I will be over emotional due to my current state and end up balling my eyes out in front of my tutor. Wish me luck. Fuck.