Fuck

I've never felt so angry and let down, all mixed up with everything else. Everything above shoulder height feels like it's going to explode. These are not the only things I feel currently. I feel stress, pressure, anxiety and confused in different orders throughout the day. I know exactly what I need to do this week yet I feel the complete opposite. I need to rest, I'm tired but I still need to finish my essay that is due in this Wednesday and do all of the other things I promised I'd do. I think I've reached the point of "mental breakdown" and I'm so much into it that I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I need to cry it out, but I can't... not here in the library. I did a little, but I had to hide myself because I didn't want to make anyone else feel uneasy. The most I can do right now is put it into words, phase it and express in these muddled up sentences how I feel, but the problem is I feel so much - it's painful.

I have no doubt that I will finish my essay, I just don't know when. I might end up having to ask for an extension which might be the sensible thing, but I'm unsure of the possibility of this. I do feel like I'm going to need it. I have another early start tomorrow following the continuation of the School Gigs Tour with the level 3's which probably won't finish until late and then I will have another practice session with the BA students for one of their Musical Direction projects where a 15 minuet original piece needs to be ready to perform in less than two weeks. The day after is the deadline hence the title. I literally have no time. I'm going to a concert tonight with my course group at the Theatre Royal tonight to see Etherwave: Adventures with a Theremin which I really can't miss. I already missed the workshop earlier due to being on School Gigs, but I'm quite excited about this. It doesn't stop all of the gloom leering over though, but hopefully the atmosphere of the concert will give me the boost of inspiration that I need... That or I will be over emotional due to my current state and end up balling my eyes out in front of my tutor. Wish me luck. Fuck.

Intro Practice Gig Reflection

This was meant to happen earlier this week, Monday afternoon but was rearranged due to timetable clashes. One of the other recording groups from my class was recording the Grand Piano in the venue, just like my recording group did the week before so we ended up just having a practice instead. Today was just as good.

We had about half an hour practice beforehand and managed to just about run though all of our setlist. We were playing four songs and out of all of the groups had the most songs ready to perform. I would like to say that this is obviously because I am in the band, but it's a team effort and we've all been working together perfectly over the last couple of months. We have a laugh every now and then where it's appropriate and we clearly all fully enjoy what we do. It will certainly be a shame if any of them weren't to progress up to the next level and further their studies and follow the educational path just as I did.

All in all, the gig went great for us. I was quite nervous, but tried my best to hide this because I didn't want my nervousness effect anyone else in the band. Our bassist, Emily told me she felt a bit uneasy about it and felt like she would have been more ready on Monday and all I could do really was reassure her and tell her it's good to have these nerves. This was my first in a long time (maybe two or three years) and the first time I had ever performed on a drum kit live. The sense of pressure really was real and heavily present, being a HND (level 4) student I had to make sure I shown that off a little too. Just not too much. I guess what I mean is despite the short time I've been playing, if I had played like shit I would have felt that I've really let my course down as a representative and I would have been furthermore disappointed in myself. My whole performance wasn't perfect and I did make a few little errors, but this is fine. This was just a practice gig and it's given me a chance to experience the buzz of playing live on stage all over again. I thought that I managed to stay in-time, which is the most important thing and feel like I played quite confidently.

The energy is incredible and is certainly different to that of a practice because everyone is much more focused, yet it's still fully functional to "vibe" of each other musically and is very much enjoyable. It's saddening that this almost brings our band's journey to it's end. We have our final gig for their assignment sometime in March and after that the bands will change around, but it nice to feel the transition of this all starting to feel complete and meet the end of it's full cycle as it all starts again.

Updates & Boss Micro BR

Yesterday, it was a bit of an unusual day with it officially being "interview day" so my group was mostly off timetable. We still had our Live Sound session in the morning, but after that we had to organise ourselves to work on our collaboration projects because Matt, our tutor was busy with interviews and meetings all day. He did pop into our practice room a couple of times in between to check up on us and see how we were going and I did manage to show him my new toy that I got for Christmas at the end, the Boss SY-300 Guitar Synth.

We finished up earlier than usual having missed out on our Music Industry lesson, but our creative music technology practice session was much longer than usual and stopped once we thought we couldn't do anymore, meaning we finished about an hour early. With this extra time, I decided to nip into Nottingham briefly after Uni to have a nosey around the shops. It felt like it had been ages since I last went into the city centre, it probably wasn't though. I moved my car from Uni and parked up at the Park n' Ride to get the tram, a much better alternative to the fifteen minute walk. I walked towards Broadmarsh first from Market Square and aimed for Playtime, a retro games store I always have to visit. I stopped off at a Charity shop first, where I found a few pocket scores which I thought would come in handy, a Doctor Who spinners and pencil top set and a large Thunderbird 2 to amuse my dad.

Eventually, I found myself at Victoria Centre after catching the free bus from Broadmarsh. I didn't buy anything from Playtime in the end, but it's always worth a look. I had spotted something in another window, mind. In the window of Cex... a small, silver box and it intrigued me. I didn't really know what it did or could do except record sounds so I assumed it was just a decent dictaphone, but what were all the buttons for? There was a guy in the way of my view so I couldn't look at it properly and quite stubbornly he wouldn't budge, so I moved away for a moment hesitantly and went into Pulp next door. They have a clearance sale at the moment which really quite upsets me because next month the store is officially closing down. It was never my favourite shop if I'm truly honest, but it certainly played its part in my development. The "band t" years and David and Goliath hoodies. I brought a few bits from their, almost out of sympathy, but couldn't help but feel a little guilty with how little I had contributed. I spent £6.50 on a t-shirt and a fiver on some purple jeans. Hardly anything.

The magic silver box. I give you, the Boss Micro BR.

Eventually, I went back to Cex to stare into the window more. A guy had just walked off after taking a photo of the display when I arrived back at the scene. There was no one in my way anymore, yet I still couldn't quite work out exactly what it's function was but I didn't want to leave it there anymore. I had already walked away from it once. It was marked up at £40 which I though was a decent ask. It looked reliable and like new, so I went inside to ask to buy it. The problem with Cex is that they really don't get value. They've recently started selling retro gaming systems across all stores because of it's rise in popularity and demand when a couple of years ago they would have turned them away because they were too old. Even worse, is that these are the very same guys that hike up the prices just like on Ebay. I saw a Nintendo 64 in this very same shop yesterday priced at £65 which is at least £15 more that what Playtime would ask for and it's mostly because its a larger organisation. Just like Game, but I'll shut up now before I go too far off subject. My hate for Game as a business is very intense.

The guy that sound me the unit didn't seem to have a clue what it was or that it was even a product available in store. Being from Cex means that it is second-hand so he let me check it over. It is always a bit awkward when they come through the till doors and pass you the unit so you can inspect it. There is a certain trust that isn't quite there which entails the possibility of me running away with it without making payment. I imagine it has happened before, but I'm not like that. I paid the man his £40 and went away smiling, still intrigued by just what this little silver box of tricks can do.

I kept picking it up out of my bag and playing with it during the journey home. I found it very difficult to leave it alone that night, even when it became frustrating to understand but I soon realised that it might be in a silver mirrored casing but this thing is golden. It has so many extra things about it that I count have possibly seen just through the shop window. It turns out that this thing is a portable four track recorder and because BOSS are so fancy it also has COSM Guitar sounds too. I did some research after buying and found that they still tend to sell on eBay for around £100. This is technology from 2006 and BOSS have since released a never model. It's complicated to use, but there definitely seems to still be a place for this practical gear and it is still very useful. I'm amazed that it can run off battery power and that it stores everything to an SD card. This will also act as my new guitar tuner... See! There's just so many features! (Ahem, this is starting to sound like an advertisement now.)

It seems I aways make good impulse buys in January. This time last year I brought myself my Washburn six string electric guitar, which is now my favourite six string out of my collection. It's like there's just something about this month that makes me buy good things.

No Pain, No Gain.

If there is something that I've learnt this week other than the basics of cello playing, it would be the very title of my post. Not that I didn't know this before, but it has been nice to have a reminder. I'm talking about real, physical pain and that can stop you in your tracks. On Monday, a blister started to form on my hand from drumming and the way that I hold my sticks - just on the left hand though, so might right hand technique must be perfect. I popped it and it's starting to heal nicely now even if it is still painful, but then it gets better. During my practice on Thursday, two more of these menacing devils developed - one rather large just above a join in my little finger and one at the base, I popped these last night and have been suffering quite a lot today. Playing bass with the level threes was challenging this morning, though not as painful as expected - it was only for half an hour.

During our recording session today when we were recording the grand piano, we had to set everything up. The twisting and screwing of microphone stands was extremely difficult yet some how I still managed and held back the tears whilst swearing under breath. Later when we were recording percussive hits using sounds from the piano, unnoticeably... things started to get more destructive to the health and wellbeing of my hands. I had been using my right hand to replicate the sound of a bass drum. It did hurt, but I didn't take any notice. It wasn't until the end of the session that I noticed a part of the skin on my little finger was hanging off and it wasn't until I got back into the studio upstairs that I noticed I had a rather large bump just below my wrist which has since become very bruised. One thing I don't feel is irritation. I'm not irritated by the fact that I have caused damage to myself, heck I hardly knew that it happened. This shows to me that I put in my all and that I must have thoroughly been enjoying playing percussively on such an incredible instrument to manage to completely ignore the pain. It wasn't even a matter of tolerating it, my brain had literally not registered that there was something wrong until afterwards. I probably could have continued and sprained my wrist and I still wouldn't have known.

It's amazing what you can do when you're running off inspiration and the right amount of sleep. I went to bed rather early yesterday after a long day practicing and then working on my essay for several hours. During the session today, I was constantly reminding myself of the piano guys and asking myself, "what would they do with an open top grand piano?" and of course put the answers forward into practice.

Is Music Theory A Science?

A quick google search defines science as “the intellectual and practical activity encompassing the systematic study of the structure and behaviour of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment.” [Google, 2017] which to my interpretation answers the question as both yes and no, making things difficult and rather confusing. Yes, to learn music theory, frequent practice is essential - this is the practical activity, doing this becomes intellectual within a class or study group that share the same interest. To understand music theory takes deep understanding and to “systematic study”, methodically improves the logical thought processes needed to master the ideology, concept and correct use. Analyzing both the rhythmic and harmonic structure furthers the knowledge and understanding - this can be done simply by reading a musical score - this is observation.

The behavior of music theory is one that is more difficult to portray to someone with little knowledge of the subject, maybe the simplest way to explain this is with basic moods. The most commonly used keys are Major and Minor - Major, sounding simple and happy usually and minor, sounding more harmonically complex and generally, dark and sad. Going back to analyzing scores, you can observe the behavior or mood of the piece by focusing on the harmony used within the chords. A blurred line starts to emerge once you focus on listening to the piece of music rather than the score because each listener will interpret the full sound of the music differently, even though this is still important practice and should still be considered a part in the observation process - just using our ears.

I think the real answer to this question is that it is a matter of opinion over fact, but I certainly do believe it to be true. I understand that it is difficult for non musicians, disheartened scientists or even music theorists themselves to accept music theory being realized as a science in it’s own right, but I think it depends on a mix of the level of knowledge a person has on the subject, understanding and finally the ability to apply the knowledge. My most basic way to summarize this would be that non musicians may just accept music theory as a completely different subject that only directly relates to music (which is true), but could not possibly fathom any form of link to the science surrounding the subject because this is neither what they know or have been taught.

Originally answered on Quora.

Nicholas Carol Nelson

Hello everybody, today I would like to introduce you to my new friend. I have been meaning to post this since Saturday 7th when we first met. We met by chance really. I got talking to a lady who is one of our regular customers at work just before Christmas. Her name is Carol. She mentioned him a few times, but then the next time she came into the store she didn't give him much recognition and I was unsure whether to ask not.

On Friday 6th, I decided to go into Ilkeston - my home town, after Uni. I don't usually do this. I was debating going into Nottingham, but it was like I knew there was nothing there that I wanted that day. This all happened on the off chance, usually I would just go straight home.

So, I arrived at Ilkeston and parked up just as the parking warden was starting his rounds. That was an interesting experience. I got my ticket and went into my first shop. I didn't really want anything, or at least I didn't think I did. I ended up coming out of B&M Bargains with a collapsable stool and birthday present for my dad... oh, and some snow bites that were reduced with it being the 11th day of Christmas. I dropped all of this back to the car and went on to my next stop. I didn't really know where I was going or what I was doing. I was very tired and was questioning why I had even bothered.

My next stop was a charity shop - this is where things got interesting. A familiar couple spotted me enter the store, followed me in and immediately got my attention. It was Carol and her husband. We got chatting and we talked about him, his cosmetic condition and his availability. Carol had used him many years ago for practice and even played with him in performances. She continued to tell me more about him, but I still didn't know what he looked like. We decided that it was time that I should meet him, so we exchanged phone numbers to sort the rendezvous later that night over a phone call.

The next day came quickly, I had not been this excited in a while. I was still trying to imagine what this handsome tackle may look like. I entered the couples house and then the lady introduced me to him. He was lying down on the floor with his back to me at first until she picked him up and held him upright. He was very well strung if not, a lot of tension. Carol sat with him at first to show me a few tips and tricks, not long after he was leant against my lap comfortably if not slightly awkward. The first date is always a bit messy. The bow did through me off a little, though I am used to the eccentricity. In the end, I won him over with a generous £60. He's still settling and not quite sure what's happened or even why his accomplice of 42 years has seeming just abandoned him to be passed onto a new generation.

This is Nicholas Carol Nelson - My Cello.

Our first drive home.

I think I'm in Love!

All of the name choices come from names of those that inspire me or have made it possible for my love of music to grow. Nicholas - The full seemingly disused first name of Dr. Nick Redfern, a passionate music lecturer who has always fully supported me (also, it's Christmasy), Carol - The name of the lady that sold him to me and was fully convinced by her faith that he was destined for me. (Again. Also, it's Christmasy - Christmas Carol), Nelson - The surname of Steven Sharp Nelson, most famous for his contributions to the work of the YouTube sensation, The Piano Guys. An incredible cellist and huge inspiration.

First Day Back At Uni In The New Year

Even though it's been three weeks, it feels like I haven't been away. Today is a strange one and certainly hasn't gone exactly as planned, although I have managed to get a fair load of work done, even if I still have much more to do. The feeling is different with the presence of a new year and I can sense the January blues lingering and the largely agreed feeling that we have come back too soon. Don't get me wrong I feel more than glad to be back, but the tiredness and realisation of just how close some deadlines are drawing is really quite alarming.

As I write todays piece I am sat in lesson, but that's ok though because our lecturer hasn't bothered to show up. Alongside writing today's rant I've been working on my Music in Context essay which must have roughly 2500 word count. I'm finally pushing along with it. I've been struggling to focus over the festive season with there being so many flashy things, bright colours and other distractions.

Later edit: I surprised myself today when I managed to add some new ideas to my sequencing project, I thought I wouldn't be capable of such creativity with it being the first day back and did I mention I am tired due to lack of sleep? That was my own fault, staying up until 2am and then I didn't even prepare my clothes.

I did run into a problem with Logic Pro X today, quite literally. I was pacing away with my vague new idea, relishing about changing the time signature from a joyous 6/8 to a sudden 6/4 and how unusual the transition sounds. I started to edit the drums for this new section and I must of clicked something that had gone unnoticed and it wouldn't let me edit any other MIDI even apart from the one already open. High-hats - thanks, guys. After around three quarters of an hour of becoming more and more frustrated, restarting Logic several times to see if that solved the issue I finally decided to "google it". It was a simple fix in the end which makes this experience all the more painful, after which I saved my work and gave up. I thought I did well considering in the weeks leading up to the Christmas break, I would spend most of this class time finalising assignments. That being said, there is some achievement here at least.

I have two books to return this Friday which I borrowed from the library before Christmas, neither of which I have managed to sit down comfortably and read. I think I will give one of them a scour over tomorrow otherwise it will be a waste. I feel awful having not done much work over the Christmas break and each time I remind myself I tell myself I must be a terrible student, which isn't good for the morale.

Maybe I will learn from this for later this year and the year after and remember just how many problems I have caused for myself, that or I'll experience this all over again. The later sounds more familiar.