It all started (again) once I got back from Spain. Not immediately, it took a few days. I was generally achey the day we got back (Wednesday 14th August) but it wasn't until the Saturday later in the week as I was about to start a night shift that my ear started to ring. At first I thought it had just popped so, sort of waited for something to happen but I fast realised that something wasn't right but I had to just suck it up. Working nights is lone work, so there's little to no support if something goes wrong. I figured that I wasn't exactly dying so I'd somehow survive the night. The problem was afterwards when I realised working Saturday night take you through to Sunday morning when no where is open to be seen to. This meant that I had to wait another day. Sleep was hard. My poor ear was absolutely ringing in pain, I'd never known anything quite like it.
I had to wait until the Monday to see a nurse about my problem who gave me the same antibiotics as before, a weeks worth. After that, a week later, the pain had gone but I still couldn't hear very well. Two weeks on, I had another appointment. My usual medical centre was busy so they sent me up for an evening appointment at Ilkeston Hospital. I was seen to pretty quick but given nothing else and told to give it more time and give it another two weeks. At this point I was starting to get really stressed about my hearing coming back. Two weeks is already a long time to live with only one functional ear.
I waited and by the time I was dues to see some, little did I know that I had picked something else up along the way. I mean, I really didn't know and two nurses missed out on telling me but thats partially my fault for not realising what was going on with my body and focusing too much on my hearing problem. Naturally, I thought it was all related. It wasn't until I saw a doctor last Friday that I knew of my new problem even though by that point I reckon that I had already had it for a week. I had been struggling sleeping again, very feverish, back pain, no appetite and my temperature was ridiculously high, so high that the doc was concerned I could contract sepsis. I've had a kidney infection. The back pain was in fact my kidneys screaming at me in pain, fighting infection but at least this is nearly over now. I take my last antibiotic in the next hour and the pain has really eased off today. There's still little bits but I've been more active today, or rather it's been a lot easier for me to move about.
Yesterday, I was still slow but I can feel myself picking up now. I've just been taking it easy. I wanted to get some recording done today but I just ended up playing The Sims most of the day, eating better and blogging. I still won't be 100% for another three weeks but I definitely feel like I'm getting there now and I swear if I get ill again this year... (Ugh!)
I've missed this. I feel like I have so much to catch up on. So much has happened since my last post in June, which ironically was also about illness. But, yes! Spain, I went back to Spain. I haven't mentioned that, before that was Graduation. I'm a graduate now. These all need their own seperate specific posts really, not a short outburst on this one.
The good news for now is that I'm on the mend.
Thursday, 26 September 2019
KILL THE MOON - GIG @ THE CHAMELEON, NOTTINGHAM 08/10/19
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| Poster designed by Emily Jane, singer of Alice's Ants. |
Thursday, 15 August 2019
Spain 4-0 Journal
Monday 5th
Flight 06:45am to Murcia International.
Arrived 11am Spain time.
Collected rental car early.
Expecting KA, received Citroen C3.
Drove around rental car park to get used to new car, right-side gears and keeping right.
Drove from Murcia International Airport to Sen Pedro del Pinatar for Hotel Paloma.
Found on street parking close to hotel and potential car park.
Trouble checking in because of it being a reservation and the language barrier but was given two rooms for our stay.
Room 303 with single beds for 2 nights and room 301 with a double bed for 3 nights.
Unpacked and settled into room.
Text Kirst.
Went for a wander around San Pedro del Pinatar, saw flamingos.
Wandered down across Lo Pagan beach front for an ice cream then wandered back to the hotel.
Went back out in the evening for food at El Paraiso and shared a pizza then wandered back across Lo Pagan.
Played on a few playground for a short while, mainly the climbing frame and the swings.
Found a fun fair and had a quick look around.
Tuesday 6th
Saw a blue mustang parked outside our hotel.
Lidl for cobs, ham, shower gel and plasters. (Will’s new trainers had been rubbing)
Couldn’t get a space on the car park when we returned so had to street park.
Vanilla Coke from local shop on top beach front.
New flip flops for the beach. Black with blue flamingos and straps.
Ate ham cobs on the beach.
Reply from Kirst that we should be able to see them Thursday!!
Went into the sea for a while.
Sand everywhere.
Sat with feet in mud bath.
Saw lots of muddy people, covered head to toe.
Saved some ham cobs for the evening before we went out.
Moved the car into the car park before heading to the fun fair (by foot)
Found an amazing gift shop with the perfect gift for the Proctors.
Found that the fun fair does not open fully until 9pm when it starts to get darker.
Discovered bar Idolo tucked away, nice bar. Had one drink in there before the fun fair opened.
We both went on three rides which were very good value for the duration you’re on the ride.
Bumper cars.
Jump and Smile (basically)
Totem (like bull ride)
The last one was very physical but absolutely hilarious.
We brought a couple of drinks (water) to chill out for a moment afterwards and found an outdoor gym area.
We decided that we wasn’t going to go on any more rides even though we had only spent 9€.
We went back to bark Idolo for one last drink and then headed back to the hotel.
Wednesday 7th
We had to pack up and change rooms in the morning then unpack and resettle into our new room.
Shopping for water and snacks.
Brought cheese onion lays, two waters (each) and a can of strawberry Fanta.
Bike ride day.
Cycled to top of mud baths until it is restricted for cyclists because of above power lines and then back to beach front.
Headed to Torre De La Horadada, managed to reach just past the tower.
Total bike ride time approx. 3hrs 30mins.
We were knackered but it was extremely fun.
10€ for 4hrs bike rental, the kept hold of my passport though.
We went to Maggies in El Majon for food in the evening. I had chicken and chorizo pasta and Will had a cheese burger.
We went to Corner Music Tavern for a drink afterwards then headed to the beach for some fresh air.
We found a volleyball tournament and the atmosphere and local community spirit was incredible.
We walked back to Corner Music Tavern to check out the musicians performing that weren’t on until 23:30, stayed a short while for a few songs and then headed back to the car.
Thursday 8th
Proctor dayy.
Rough start struggling to sleep in new room. I think I managed 4 hours. Will got up quite a few times in the night. I listened to my iPod to try to help me get back to sleep but ended up just resting instead. I did drop off for another hour or so later in the morning.
When I woke up, Will had disappeared without telling me where he was going and his phone hadn’t been working.
I lost Will.
Gave him some time but then found home downstairs in the café.
He had had a small breakfast on his own.
We went out later in the morning so that I could grab something.
I brought 6 churros with a chocolate dip and they were perfect.
We wandered down to the ice cream place we went to before so that will could have an ice cream.
He dropped most of it then we headed back to the hotel.
When at the ice cream place, we had sat on a step instead of the seats and I didn’t realise that I had chewing gum stuck to me me, rested on our balcony window and smeared it everywhere by accident.
Gave me something to clear up.
We headed to the car for just after 13:30 so we would get to Torre for 2pm.
No problem with traffic and the Proctors villa was easy to find really.
We got there a few minutes early.
A few welcoming hugs, we came baring gifts.
I had brought Kirsty a t-shirt from Primark with her slogan, “make it happen” written across the front and a pack of tractor top trump cards.
I had brought a cat mosaic ornament, hand made in Spain for them both, for Lisa to open.
We had a drink with them at their villa before we went out for a light lunch at Bar Willy’s.
Both me and will had two small baguettes with bacon and cheese. Kirsty had chips and egg and Lisa had ordered chicken kebab with a portion of yuka chips.
After this we wandered to a few more bars.
The next one was on Mil Palmera beach, I just had water here after my quad Malibu and coke at Bar Willy’s.
Kirsty was struggling with the heat.
We walked up into the small shopping/bar area and went to another bar in that area so that Kirsty could cool down. She brought a new vest that was lighter to help herself out too.
We then headed for the plaza in Pueblo Latino where I just had a coke and water.
Lisa went back to their villa early to get a head start getting ready for the evening. We finished our drinks then headed back.
We had both brought some spare clothing with us just in case we either ended up staying over or going in their pool so we had something to change into for, for the evening.
We went to La gamba for a drink first then Red Corner In Plaza Nueva for food where I had spaghetti bolognese. Will has a massive pepperoni and bacon pizza to himself. Kirst had a BLT baguette and Lisa had a veggie Sandy with chips.
I absolutely scoffed down that meal, it was amazingly delicious and a great portion size.
We finished out drinks and headed for the main square and went to Bar UK.
I caught up a little with Teresa, a lady from Birmingham who I met last year and we both met a few of Kirsty and Lisa’s friends.
Myself and Will just had one more drink here but the girls had a couple.
Kirsty and Will went to fetch some of our stuff out of our rental car.
When they got back, Kirsty called us a taxi as Will was starting to drop off.
He had just had a massive (6 shot?) Jack Daniels and coke from Red Corner that he struggled with but finished.
It took a short while for our taxi to arrive.
Our driver got a little lost and confused but it was less than 17€.
We were pretty much straight to bed when we got back to our hotel room.
It wasn’t until we got in the taxi that I realised we had been out and about for 12 hours!!
13:30-01:30
Friday 9th
I slept pretty well last night but still only managed to get about 6 hours. I think it was the sun rising that woke me up.
I like to leave the curtains open slightly so that only a little bit of light comes though and it’s not too intense to wake up to.
Started listening to music to ease me back to sleep again but jest ended up getting emotional about how special the twins are to me. Made me think that everyone needs friends that make them that happy.
“Get yourself a friend that makes you cry with happiness.”
I’ve spent the last hour and 20 mins catching up writing all of this up to here so that we don’t forget a thing that we have done. It’s been amazing so far.
…
Cont.
We got up late since we had a late night.
Walked to Kirsty’s from San Pedro Del Pinatar.
Stopped off at Corner Music Tavern for a drink and snacks.
Took us about an hour including the small break.
Stayed at theirs for a good couple of hours chatting and then left them to get ready for their last night out.
We headed for the Chinese shop for some little bits, I brought some post cards, fake Pokémon cards and a couple of key rings. Will brought some tattoos transfer books and we both got some water.
Headed back to the car to set off to La Zenia.
Ended up on the AP-7 which is a toll toad that cost us 3.95€, it was more direct though.
We stayed at the shopping boulevard for quite a few hours, wondering whether or not to see The Cages.
We diced not to in the end and just headed back to our hotel after having a subway for dinner.
I brought a couple of shirts from La Zenia and a cheap PSP game.
When we got home we were both on our phones to our parents for quite a while.
Saturday 10th
This was the end of our stay at Paloma Hotel and we had to be out by 12. We got out early and had coffee before we left, we both agreed that the coffee is really nice there.
We nipped into Lo Pagan so I could get some more bracelets to take home for friends.
Drove into torre so that Will could have a quick go in the car, just how it feels 1st and reverse.
Headed to Lidl for food to keep us going for the next few days, a couple of cobs, ham, plasters and Ameretto. We got a loaf from Lo Pagan.
Headed to hotel number two.
It took about half an hour to get there across the RM-
Once we settled in we did nothing for the rest of the day.
Sunday 11th
We had breakfast at the hotel at about 10am
Text Kirst about Will saying he’d not slept but didn’t hear the storm.
They were flying back this morning.
We tried to see their flight take off but must have been on time so we missed it.
Found a pool to go to in Murcia, 10 minutes drive away.
*pool name*
We got lost on the way up by missing the exit but got there in the end.
5€ entry and it was beautiful.
Afterwards on the way back we found an Aldi, small shop and a McDonald’s which we stopped off at for food.
Then we headed back to the hotel.
In the evening we decided to head back towards El Majon and Torre since there is nothing where we are.
We went to the Corner Music Tavern for one then moved on into Torre.
Got a bit extra cash out from the ATM to last us the last few days and then settled at Bar UK for one.
We moved to Plaza Nueva for a couple more where we bumped into Sheila & Tereasa whom I met that year which made a great night.
Sheila paid for one of our drinks, we gave them both a lift home since Sheila helped Will our by giving him some earplugs to help him sleep.
It was a tired drive back to the hotel, aided by Will being a spare pair of eyes but we got back and in bed for around 02:30am, possibly our latest night out.
Slept like a baby for about 8 hours, I was so tired. We both were but it was a great night.
Monday 12th
We missed breakfast at the hotel because we were both so tired this morning.
Even I didn’t get up until after 10pm and Will was ready for 12 midday.
Went out for food, but tidied the hotel room ready for our departure in the morning.
We were ready to go home.
Tuesday 13th
Early start.
Drove from the hotel to the airport.
Dropped of the rental car before 8am.
Flight home to EMA from Murcia.
Flight 06:45am to Murcia International.
Arrived 11am Spain time.
Collected rental car early.
Expecting KA, received Citroen C3.
Drove around rental car park to get used to new car, right-side gears and keeping right.
Drove from Murcia International Airport to Sen Pedro del Pinatar for Hotel Paloma.
Found on street parking close to hotel and potential car park.
Trouble checking in because of it being a reservation and the language barrier but was given two rooms for our stay.
Room 303 with single beds for 2 nights and room 301 with a double bed for 3 nights.
Unpacked and settled into room.
Text Kirst.
Went for a wander around San Pedro del Pinatar, saw flamingos.
Wandered down across Lo Pagan beach front for an ice cream then wandered back to the hotel.
Went back out in the evening for food at El Paraiso and shared a pizza then wandered back across Lo Pagan.
Played on a few playground for a short while, mainly the climbing frame and the swings.
Found a fun fair and had a quick look around.
Tuesday 6th
Saw a blue mustang parked outside our hotel.
Lidl for cobs, ham, shower gel and plasters. (Will’s new trainers had been rubbing)
Couldn’t get a space on the car park when we returned so had to street park.
Vanilla Coke from local shop on top beach front.
New flip flops for the beach. Black with blue flamingos and straps.
Ate ham cobs on the beach.
Reply from Kirst that we should be able to see them Thursday!!
Went into the sea for a while.
Sand everywhere.
Sat with feet in mud bath.
Saw lots of muddy people, covered head to toe.
Saved some ham cobs for the evening before we went out.
Moved the car into the car park before heading to the fun fair (by foot)
Found an amazing gift shop with the perfect gift for the Proctors.
Found that the fun fair does not open fully until 9pm when it starts to get darker.
Discovered bar Idolo tucked away, nice bar. Had one drink in there before the fun fair opened.
We both went on three rides which were very good value for the duration you’re on the ride.
Bumper cars.
Jump and Smile (basically)
Totem (like bull ride)
The last one was very physical but absolutely hilarious.
We brought a couple of drinks (water) to chill out for a moment afterwards and found an outdoor gym area.
We decided that we wasn’t going to go on any more rides even though we had only spent 9€.
We went back to bark Idolo for one last drink and then headed back to the hotel.
Wednesday 7th
We had to pack up and change rooms in the morning then unpack and resettle into our new room.
Shopping for water and snacks.
Brought cheese onion lays, two waters (each) and a can of strawberry Fanta.
Bike ride day.
Cycled to top of mud baths until it is restricted for cyclists because of above power lines and then back to beach front.
Headed to Torre De La Horadada, managed to reach just past the tower.
Total bike ride time approx. 3hrs 30mins.
We were knackered but it was extremely fun.
10€ for 4hrs bike rental, the kept hold of my passport though.
We went to Maggies in El Majon for food in the evening. I had chicken and chorizo pasta and Will had a cheese burger.
We went to Corner Music Tavern for a drink afterwards then headed to the beach for some fresh air.
We found a volleyball tournament and the atmosphere and local community spirit was incredible.
We walked back to Corner Music Tavern to check out the musicians performing that weren’t on until 23:30, stayed a short while for a few songs and then headed back to the car.
Thursday 8th
Proctor dayy.
Rough start struggling to sleep in new room. I think I managed 4 hours. Will got up quite a few times in the night. I listened to my iPod to try to help me get back to sleep but ended up just resting instead. I did drop off for another hour or so later in the morning.
When I woke up, Will had disappeared without telling me where he was going and his phone hadn’t been working.
I lost Will.
Gave him some time but then found home downstairs in the café.
He had had a small breakfast on his own.
We went out later in the morning so that I could grab something.
I brought 6 churros with a chocolate dip and they were perfect.
We wandered down to the ice cream place we went to before so that will could have an ice cream.
He dropped most of it then we headed back to the hotel.
When at the ice cream place, we had sat on a step instead of the seats and I didn’t realise that I had chewing gum stuck to me me, rested on our balcony window and smeared it everywhere by accident.
Gave me something to clear up.
We headed to the car for just after 13:30 so we would get to Torre for 2pm.
No problem with traffic and the Proctors villa was easy to find really.
We got there a few minutes early.
A few welcoming hugs, we came baring gifts.
I had brought Kirsty a t-shirt from Primark with her slogan, “make it happen” written across the front and a pack of tractor top trump cards.
I had brought a cat mosaic ornament, hand made in Spain for them both, for Lisa to open.
We had a drink with them at their villa before we went out for a light lunch at Bar Willy’s.
Both me and will had two small baguettes with bacon and cheese. Kirsty had chips and egg and Lisa had ordered chicken kebab with a portion of yuka chips.
After this we wandered to a few more bars.
The next one was on Mil Palmera beach, I just had water here after my quad Malibu and coke at Bar Willy’s.
Kirsty was struggling with the heat.
We walked up into the small shopping/bar area and went to another bar in that area so that Kirsty could cool down. She brought a new vest that was lighter to help herself out too.
We then headed for the plaza in Pueblo Latino where I just had a coke and water.
Lisa went back to their villa early to get a head start getting ready for the evening. We finished our drinks then headed back.
We had both brought some spare clothing with us just in case we either ended up staying over or going in their pool so we had something to change into for, for the evening.
We went to La gamba for a drink first then Red Corner In Plaza Nueva for food where I had spaghetti bolognese. Will has a massive pepperoni and bacon pizza to himself. Kirst had a BLT baguette and Lisa had a veggie Sandy with chips.
I absolutely scoffed down that meal, it was amazingly delicious and a great portion size.
We finished out drinks and headed for the main square and went to Bar UK.
I caught up a little with Teresa, a lady from Birmingham who I met last year and we both met a few of Kirsty and Lisa’s friends.
Myself and Will just had one more drink here but the girls had a couple.
Kirsty and Will went to fetch some of our stuff out of our rental car.
When they got back, Kirsty called us a taxi as Will was starting to drop off.
He had just had a massive (6 shot?) Jack Daniels and coke from Red Corner that he struggled with but finished.
It took a short while for our taxi to arrive.
Our driver got a little lost and confused but it was less than 17€.
We were pretty much straight to bed when we got back to our hotel room.
It wasn’t until we got in the taxi that I realised we had been out and about for 12 hours!!
13:30-01:30
Friday 9th
I slept pretty well last night but still only managed to get about 6 hours. I think it was the sun rising that woke me up.
I like to leave the curtains open slightly so that only a little bit of light comes though and it’s not too intense to wake up to.
Started listening to music to ease me back to sleep again but jest ended up getting emotional about how special the twins are to me. Made me think that everyone needs friends that make them that happy.
“Get yourself a friend that makes you cry with happiness.”
I’ve spent the last hour and 20 mins catching up writing all of this up to here so that we don’t forget a thing that we have done. It’s been amazing so far.
…
Cont.
We got up late since we had a late night.
Walked to Kirsty’s from San Pedro Del Pinatar.
Stopped off at Corner Music Tavern for a drink and snacks.
Took us about an hour including the small break.
Stayed at theirs for a good couple of hours chatting and then left them to get ready for their last night out.
We headed for the Chinese shop for some little bits, I brought some post cards, fake Pokémon cards and a couple of key rings. Will brought some tattoos transfer books and we both got some water.
Headed back to the car to set off to La Zenia.
Ended up on the AP-7 which is a toll toad that cost us 3.95€, it was more direct though.
We stayed at the shopping boulevard for quite a few hours, wondering whether or not to see The Cages.
We diced not to in the end and just headed back to our hotel after having a subway for dinner.
I brought a couple of shirts from La Zenia and a cheap PSP game.
When we got home we were both on our phones to our parents for quite a while.
Saturday 10th
This was the end of our stay at Paloma Hotel and we had to be out by 12. We got out early and had coffee before we left, we both agreed that the coffee is really nice there.
We nipped into Lo Pagan so I could get some more bracelets to take home for friends.
Drove into torre so that Will could have a quick go in the car, just how it feels 1st and reverse.
Headed to Lidl for food to keep us going for the next few days, a couple of cobs, ham, plasters and Ameretto. We got a loaf from Lo Pagan.
Headed to hotel number two.
It took about half an hour to get there across the RM-
Once we settled in we did nothing for the rest of the day.
Sunday 11th
We had breakfast at the hotel at about 10am
Text Kirst about Will saying he’d not slept but didn’t hear the storm.
They were flying back this morning.
We tried to see their flight take off but must have been on time so we missed it.
Found a pool to go to in Murcia, 10 minutes drive away.
*pool name*
We got lost on the way up by missing the exit but got there in the end.
5€ entry and it was beautiful.
Afterwards on the way back we found an Aldi, small shop and a McDonald’s which we stopped off at for food.
Then we headed back to the hotel.
In the evening we decided to head back towards El Majon and Torre since there is nothing where we are.
We went to the Corner Music Tavern for one then moved on into Torre.
Got a bit extra cash out from the ATM to last us the last few days and then settled at Bar UK for one.
We moved to Plaza Nueva for a couple more where we bumped into Sheila & Tereasa whom I met that year which made a great night.
Sheila paid for one of our drinks, we gave them both a lift home since Sheila helped Will our by giving him some earplugs to help him sleep.
It was a tired drive back to the hotel, aided by Will being a spare pair of eyes but we got back and in bed for around 02:30am, possibly our latest night out.
Slept like a baby for about 8 hours, I was so tired. We both were but it was a great night.
Monday 12th
We missed breakfast at the hotel because we were both so tired this morning.
Even I didn’t get up until after 10pm and Will was ready for 12 midday.
Went out for food, but tidied the hotel room ready for our departure in the morning.
We were ready to go home.
Tuesday 13th
Early start.
Drove from the hotel to the airport.
Dropped of the rental car before 8am.
Flight home to EMA from Murcia.
Thursday, 20 June 2019
Illness & Confusion
This is the first time I've had a clear mind in a long time and it's came at the wrong time. Well, actually, I'd say more yesterday than anything. I'm recovering from some kind of super throat infection at the moment and have been put on antibiotics. I've lost about 7lbs since Thursday when this illness really kicked in from not being able to eat because of an uncomfortable pain at the back of my throat and only put back on a small amount from my first meal yesterday.
I was doing alright, starting to feel better until yesterday evening and now the pain when swallowing as returned. It's not as bad, but still sharp. I don't know what I'm annoyed about the most now though. I woke up early this morning because of the pain and eventually ended up listening back to some of my album that I had submitted (it's been graded now and everything) and noticed my track "Disappointment" is missing an entire lead guitar track that I know was recorded and ready at the time, it just somehow got accidentally missed out. It irritates me because I didn't get the best grade for it anyway and I just think that if this was included in the mix of this song like it should have been I might have actually got a better grade as this one little track adds lots of detail and feel to the song, it's a bunch of lead melodies played all the way through and a solo.
More than anything, I can't believe I've only just noticed this now. How could I not notice? Did my brain just assume it was there because I know exactly how it sounds from hearing it so much in the mixing process? Was this a psychoacoustic problem or just a genuine mistake? Either way, whichever it was I'm hella' pissed about it now. If I were less stress I imagine that I would have noticed. Even if including it would have only added me say 5% extra on my grade, even though that wouldn't be enough boost my average to the next tier. I'm gutted and bewildered by how this could have happened.
Never mind. I think I still got a high 2:1 in the end so I suppose I can't complain too much even if it isn't the first class degree that I was aiming for.
I was doing alright, starting to feel better until yesterday evening and now the pain when swallowing as returned. It's not as bad, but still sharp. I don't know what I'm annoyed about the most now though. I woke up early this morning because of the pain and eventually ended up listening back to some of my album that I had submitted (it's been graded now and everything) and noticed my track "Disappointment" is missing an entire lead guitar track that I know was recorded and ready at the time, it just somehow got accidentally missed out. It irritates me because I didn't get the best grade for it anyway and I just think that if this was included in the mix of this song like it should have been I might have actually got a better grade as this one little track adds lots of detail and feel to the song, it's a bunch of lead melodies played all the way through and a solo.
More than anything, I can't believe I've only just noticed this now. How could I not notice? Did my brain just assume it was there because I know exactly how it sounds from hearing it so much in the mixing process? Was this a psychoacoustic problem or just a genuine mistake? Either way, whichever it was I'm hella' pissed about it now. If I were less stress I imagine that I would have noticed. Even if including it would have only added me say 5% extra on my grade, even though that wouldn't be enough boost my average to the next tier. I'm gutted and bewildered by how this could have happened.
Never mind. I think I still got a high 2:1 in the end so I suppose I can't complain too much even if it isn't the first class degree that I was aiming for.
Sunday, 19 May 2019
An Open Letter To Anyone Who Thinks I Don't Care
Firstly, I do. I do care. I think everyone forgets about everything I've been through over the last few years because I'm so tied up with the stress of studying. People forget that I chose to do that to help further myself and obviously it's going to effect who I am. Higher Education has been a process that has changed me as a person, mostly benefiting myself but it's meant putting a lot of time and effort into me which most of the time I don't even realise and then find it hard to relax with having hardly any free time to breathe deep. The only times I really had space were during my visits to Spain.
Please don't assume I don't care because I've been worn out. This last year of study has been particularly hard with it being in a new setting and my final year, especially the last few weeks and if I'm honest it I makes me feel worse when people say it in any context. I know I don't always show it but, I do care and I get that it's hard for me to prove with these words alone. I used to post on this blog much more frequently but I've been way too busy to even compete with how much I used to push out on here.
Hearing it gives me this red haze that I can't deal with. That ol' game of who's who. Who's said what and I know. It might be that I've been told it more frequently but it's hard to show it when my focus was on other things, but I still don't agree. I care, I know I do. I'm just really shit at showing it. If that doesn't sell it enough, most that knew me pre-2016 would know that even back then I never wanted to lose a friend ever again and if you didn't know that maybe you didn't ever know me.
The fact I'm typing all this at 00:28am.
Much Love
xxx
Please don't assume I don't care because I've been worn out. This last year of study has been particularly hard with it being in a new setting and my final year, especially the last few weeks and if I'm honest it I makes me feel worse when people say it in any context. I know I don't always show it but, I do care and I get that it's hard for me to prove with these words alone. I used to post on this blog much more frequently but I've been way too busy to even compete with how much I used to push out on here.
Hearing it gives me this red haze that I can't deal with. That ol' game of who's who. Who's said what and I know. It might be that I've been told it more frequently but it's hard to show it when my focus was on other things, but I still don't agree. I care, I know I do. I'm just really shit at showing it. If that doesn't sell it enough, most that knew me pre-2016 would know that even back then I never wanted to lose a friend ever again and if you didn't know that maybe you didn't ever know me.
The fact I'm typing all this at 00:28am.
... Also, I'm ok. I'm better than ever actually. Just had the best Sunday shift in a long while and it's a nice thought that I'm potentially not at work until early June after this Tuesday, but on the contrary it would be nice if some friends would check in on me more often. It's been a fairly lonely eight months or so at Uni...
Much Love
xxx
Monday, 8 April 2019
Time To Focus
It is now essentially my last month or so at Derby and I've still got plenty of work to be getting on with. My album project is coming along alright although there are parts that I'm struggling to finish, lyrics that don't want to emerge. Structurally it is all down and there are just vocals parts and a few bass and guitar tracks to record. Most of it is all in one project which takes up about 6.2GB but I have a newer track that I've saved separately purely because that's how it was started. Non-surprisingly I still need lyrics for that one too as at the moment I only have part of the first verse. I figured this weekend that this is the week that I really need to push myself if I want to get everything done on time. I have a few performances coming up which solve themselves almost but, I also have a report to start due in at the end of this month.
I've had a few new opportunities arise recently, my band Kill the Moon have reformed after about a year of silence, I'm trying out playing bass for a blues/rock/pop band and Phil, one of the lecturers has offered me to play a gig with him in September because he recons my playing style suits what he plays. It's all quite exciting but, I can't help but feel like I'm seriously running out of time fast this semester. It's gone way too fast and I've not done enough in the time that's past. It's still redeemable but I will really need to push on hard this week. I suppose the third and final year is meant to be stressful and this is where it's at with me. I was gonna post some blog posts today and push on with some research today but I'll save it for when I get home now. I think I need a break before I head off to do some session work and maybe spend some time on my album if I have the time.
It's only a two hour session...
I've had a few new opportunities arise recently, my band Kill the Moon have reformed after about a year of silence, I'm trying out playing bass for a blues/rock/pop band and Phil, one of the lecturers has offered me to play a gig with him in September because he recons my playing style suits what he plays. It's all quite exciting but, I can't help but feel like I'm seriously running out of time fast this semester. It's gone way too fast and I've not done enough in the time that's past. It's still redeemable but I will really need to push on hard this week. I suppose the third and final year is meant to be stressful and this is where it's at with me. I was gonna post some blog posts today and push on with some research today but I'll save it for when I get home now. I think I need a break before I head off to do some session work and maybe spend some time on my album if I have the time.
It's only a two hour session...
Tuesday, 12 March 2019
A Strange Few Months
What a strange couple of months it's been. I feel like I've not quite fully been in control of everything but still somehow managed to get plenty enough done to survive this long. It's nice to feel like I'm finally taking back control. I'm not sure if it was just the show I'd been watching on Amazon Prime that's fucked with me or if more rather it's a combination of that and gaining weight again. I've put a stop to comfort eating now and have lost a bit already which has made me happier. To think, how thin I was in June last year. All that I achieved to benefit myself and I need to do it all over again, maybe loose a stone or again to be where I was then. Hell I miss it. I was talking to a new colleague at work about all the holidays I had last year and the craziness of Spain. It's raining here now and it's been ridiculously windy lately. I miss the sun. We had fools spring the other week when it was actually quite warm for the time of year. I need it to dry up again so that the leak in my bedroom doesn't get any worse.
But, no. I've really perked up these last couple of weeks which is great. This is exactly the time that I need to be in the right frame of mind. I've done so much recording lately, tweaking midi data. There's still a lot to be done for my album project but I realised something that I should have when the module was presented to me. This is actually fucking happening. And actually, if I wanted to, I could release it as a physical product because it is very real and it's something I feel like I've been working on since I started playing guitar which was almost 12 years ago now. It's making me realise just how much this really counts and the potential. Where could this take me if I do release it? and what could this lead to?
I've been hoping since the start of the year that my previous band will reform into something new and exciting again and I'm still excited about that for when it happens. I just want to start gigging again and get out there. Ideally, be able to make a living off music. The Music Production Show was last week at the University of Derby. I've just typed out a massive blog post about it for extra credit on my EIPP module so I'm not gonna write about it again just yet but it was quite insightful. I'm going to a gig tomorrow, Thomas Leeb is playing The Running Horse in Nottingham and I'm quite exited for that at the moment, then I have another gig to go to Thursday night to see Left-Hand-Lane at Albert's Bar, Nottingham. Which reminds me, I sill need to mix what I recorded with them. Absolutely, love their sound.
But, no. I've really perked up these last couple of weeks which is great. This is exactly the time that I need to be in the right frame of mind. I've done so much recording lately, tweaking midi data. There's still a lot to be done for my album project but I realised something that I should have when the module was presented to me. This is actually fucking happening. And actually, if I wanted to, I could release it as a physical product because it is very real and it's something I feel like I've been working on since I started playing guitar which was almost 12 years ago now. It's making me realise just how much this really counts and the potential. Where could this take me if I do release it? and what could this lead to?
I've been hoping since the start of the year that my previous band will reform into something new and exciting again and I'm still excited about that for when it happens. I just want to start gigging again and get out there. Ideally, be able to make a living off music. The Music Production Show was last week at the University of Derby. I've just typed out a massive blog post about it for extra credit on my EIPP module so I'm not gonna write about it again just yet but it was quite insightful. I'm going to a gig tomorrow, Thomas Leeb is playing The Running Horse in Nottingham and I'm quite exited for that at the moment, then I have another gig to go to Thursday night to see Left-Hand-Lane at Albert's Bar, Nottingham. Which reminds me, I sill need to mix what I recorded with them. Absolutely, love their sound.
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