The problem with instances like this is that there is no real telling what is the right thing to do, or what really would be the best move going forward. I feel like I have so many ideas yet not many real opportunities and most new work places demand experience over qualifications which is a ridiculous expectation of the young - something I'm growing apart from being. 26 isn't old but it's somewhere in that weird in-between bracket when no one really cares, or at least thats how it feels. I'm thankful that I have at least had some highlights for this year as I imagine many haven't really had any because of this damned global pandemic and the paranoia. That scares me more than the virus, everyone living in fear that they may catch it and allow it to spread. These are strange times. I feel like I've worked hard though this but now I'm facing a disciplinary at work. I guess I can finally mention it and talk about it a little more freely since my hearing is coming up. I'm not worried about my job. I was, I really was when the investigation process first started but now I'm not so sure as it's brought out so much upset and anger in me. I couldn't stop crying at first, it took me hours to settle down and I had no choice but to come home from work early. Colleagues have been asking about me, those that were there on that afternoon. I appreciate the concern because all leadership can say for themselves is that "it's only policy."
I feel so done in. I've had sleepless nights - last night was on of them. The funny thing is that I try not care too much but then I get angry with myself and make myself more upset, like I am doing now. As hard as it may seem I need to try to focus on the positives. I do still have other things planned. If I lose my job (which I doubt) I can look for another, sign on for a short while while working on new projects. I feel like everyone else has had a break except me (which isn't true, I know, others have worked throughout this shit storm of a situation) Maybe I have one thing to look forward to this Friday. A friend of a friend has booked me as a photographer for a car shoot. I'm not really sure how that's going to go but it will be a little extra cash for me. Not a lot, no doubt it will probably go into my games collection. I have moved on from Amiibo cards now, although I am still collecting them. I just can't bring myself to pay stupid money for a bit of card board, no matter how cute. I do have some that are valued up to £55 (eBay prices) which is mental but I could never pay that sort of money myself. I just can't justify it. It is another thing that makes me sad though, knowing I can't complete my collection just yet and I'm convinced that prices are only going to get worse.
About my games collection though... that's really coming along to the point that I now need a bigger bookshelf to store them all. For now, I'm just juggling them between different spaces so it still makes sense but I'm going to have to invest and build soon. My latest additions are Sonic Adventure 2 Battle NGC and Spongebob Squigglepants 3DS - which is basically a Warioware rip-off. Gamecube and 3DS games are my favourite to collect at the moment, although I've been playing my Gamecube games on my Wii as my original console is old and battered. I think it's the laser, that or the disc spin motor that's wearing out. My poor baby. I do have a weird connection to these things and they have been helping me lately, even if it is mostly to zone out and chill out - forget about all the problems in the world. Some of them I could easily repeatedly replay unhealthily. I'm not 100% sure why, I think it's nostalgia related but the first couple of Harry Potter games really hit the spot for me.
No doubt, I'll give an update soon on the proceedings of this week. I'll have other bad news to announce formally later on in the week too but I can't really comment on it yet. Also, it's a little late but, happy 3 years Kill The Moon!
